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If you’re offended by the things I say, imagine the stuff I hold back.

If you’re offended by the things I say, imagine the stuff I hold back.

Some things are just best said with an eye roll.

Some things are just best said with an eye roll.

Some trite inspirational quote about overcoming things or some shit. I don’t know. Fuck off.

Some trite inspirational quote about overcoming things or some shit. I don’t know. Fuck off.

4 things to quit right now: 1. Trying to please everyone, 2. Fearing a change, 3. Living in the past, 4. Giving fucks.

4 things to quit right now: 1. Trying to please everyone, 2. Fearing a change, 3. Living in the past, 4. Giving fucks.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! - Darynda Jones

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! – Darynda Jones

Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.

Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.

TWO THINGS: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there?

TWO THINGS: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there.

Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.

Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.

The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.

The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.