Some people make me wish I had more middle fingers.
I wish running from my problems would burn calories.
I wish everything was as easy as getting fat.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you’re actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.
I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see which ones are real and which ones are fake.
I never wish death upon anyone who wrongs me. I wish for sudden explosive diarrhea while stuck in traffic… with frequent sneezes.
I wish people came with a 30 second trailer. So I can see what I’m getting myself into.
I wish they made SHUT THE FUCK UP spray.
Sometimes I wish I was a bird… so I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
I wish more people were fluent in silence.