Woman

You know nothing about a woman until she’s drunk and mad at you.

You know nothing about a woman until she’s drunk and mad at you.

Men who say women belong in the kitchen obviously don't know what to do with them in the bedroom.

Men who say women belong in the kitchen obviously don’t know what to do with them in the bedroom.

Telling an angry woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.

Telling an angry woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.

Every woman has a little bit of Marilyn inside of her. You just have to find out if it’s Monroe or Manson.

Every woman has a little bit of Marilyn inside of her. You just have to find out if it’s Monroe or Manson.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.

If you can make a woman laugh, you’re almost there. If you’re almost there and then she laughs, that’s a different story.

A woman's anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.

A woman’s anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. – George Carlin