Woman

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.

How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.

Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.

Every woman has a little bit of Marilyn inside of her. You just have to find out if it’s Monroe or Manson.

Every woman has a little bit of Marilyn inside of her. You just have to find out if it’s Monroe or Manson.

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there. If you're almost there and then she laughs, that's a different story.

If you can make a woman laugh, you’re almost there. If you’re almost there and then she laughs, that’s a different story.

A woman's anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.

A woman’s anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. – George Carlin

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. – Chauncey Depew

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman’s mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?

Never pick a fight with a woman older than 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone's shit.

Never pick a fight with a woman older than 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone’s shit.

Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.

Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.

WE NEED TO TALK: Women's secret code for haha sorry, you're fucked.

WE NEED TO TALK: Women’s secret code for haha sorry, you’re fucked.

THE 5 STAGES OF WOMAN'S LIFE: 1. To grow up, 2. To fill out, 3. To slim down, 4. To hold it in, 5. To hell with it.

THE 5 STAGES OF WOMAN’S LIFE: 1. To grow up, 2. To fill out, 3. To slim down, 4. To hold it in, 5. To hell with it.

Women won't date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.

Women won’t date a guy that still lives with his mom, but will date a man that still lives with his wife.

I'm honestly convinced some women don't fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.

I’m honestly convinced some women don’t fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.

If you meet a girl that admits she's wrong, apologizes and change her way... Dump her because that might be a man. Women don't do that.

If you meet a girl that admits she’s wrong, apologizes and change her way… Dump her because that might be a man. Women don’t do that.

So let me get this straight. Women wear fake hear, nails, lashes, contacts. Buy fake tits, lips, ass, and get botox... but want a real man?

So let me get this straight. Women wear fake hear, nails, lashes, contacts. Buy fake tits, lips, ass, and get botox… but want a real man?

To the women who say "all men are the same". Maybe you shouldn't have tried them all?

To the women who say “all men are the same”. Maybe you shouldn’t have tried them all?

The most dangerous animal in the world is a smiling woman sitting in silence.

The most dangerous animal in the world is a smiling woman sitting in silence.