Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place.
Once a girl takes off her bra, don’t ask her to do shit. She’s clocked out from life.
Never piss off someone who bleeds for 5 days every month and doesn’t die.
Adult females friendships are mostly sending memes and helping diagnose sociopaths in each other’s lives.
How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.
Every woman’s dream is that a man will take her in his arms, throw her into bed, and clean the whole house while she sleeps.
Every woman has a little bit of Marilyn inside of her. You just have to find out if it’s Monroe or Manson.
Every girl is beautiful. Sometimes it takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
If you can make a woman laugh, you’re almost there. If you’re almost there and then she laughs, that’s a different story.
Girls have magic powers. They get wet without water, bleed without injury, and make boneless things hard.
All men like to think they’re marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light. There is no way to figure out why it came on. Just ignore it and hope it goes away.
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. – George Carlin
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. – Chauncey Depew
Men, if you ever want to know what a woman’s mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.
How come when a woman is pregnant everyone rubs her stomach and says congratulations but no one rubs your balls and says good job?
Every girl is a doll. Either Barbie or Annabelle.
Never pick a fight with a woman older than 40. They are full of rage and sick of everyone’s shit.
Women don’t fart. They do however shoot tiny puffs of glitter, that sound like a unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.
WE NEED TO TALK: Women’s secret code for haha sorry, you’re fucked.