Dirty, Inappropriate, Adult Jokes for People With a Rude Sense of Humor.
A 90 year-old man marries a beautiful 25 year-old woman.
They go on their honeymoon to beautiful, picturesque Venice, Italy.
After a day of sightseeing, they return to their hotel. He turns to his young bride and says, “Honey, I’m tired after all this excitement. I’m going to go to bed. See you in the morning.”
She say “Ok”, and off he goes to bed, while she stays in the living room of their honeymoon suite.
11pm that night, he comes into the living room and begins to make passionate love to his new wife.
Once they finish up, he once again excuses himself and goes back to bed.
The young woman is so exhausted, that she falls asleep right there on the couch.
1am that same night, he comes into the living room again, wakes her up again, and they once again make passionate, incredible, mind-blowing love. She’s amazed at his stamina and performance, especially for a man as old as he is! This time was better than the last, too!
Once again, they finish up and he goes off to bed. She, same as before, passes out on the couch with a smile from ear to ear.
3am that same night, he once AGAIN comes into the living room and wakes her, ready to kick off round three.
This time, she stops her stallion of a husband and asks him, “Dear, how do you do it?! How can you come in here two times already tonight and be ready for a third go?!”
He looks at her with a twinkle in his eye and says… “I was here twice already?!”
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
He shouted at her, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. “What took you so long to answer?” he asked. “I was in bed,” she replied. “What were you doing in bed this late?” “Getting a second opinion.
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.
So that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, and says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said. Not even five minutes later he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!”
The doctor says, “I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The drug company will be glad to pay for any damages.”
“Nah,” she says, “that’s okay. We’re never going back to that restaurant anyway.
A couple were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said,
“I gotta have you!” He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties, and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he was finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said, “That was the best, honey. You’ve never moved like that before, you didn’t hurt yourself, did you?”
And his wife replied, “No, no. I’ll be okay once I can get this old doorknob out of my ass.
A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly to the recently married couple’s house.
She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m waiting for Jeff to come home from work,” the daughter-in-law answered.
“But you’re naked!” the mother-in-law exclaimed.
“This is my love dress,” the daughter-in-law explained.
“Love dress? But you’re naked!”
“Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy.”
The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“This is my love dress,” she replied.
“Needs ironing,” he says” “What’s for dinner?”