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I'm beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus don’t go round and round.

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus don’t go round and round.

I may be a crazy bitch, but at least I am not a basic bitch.

I may be a crazy bitch, but at least I am not a basic bitch.

Getting old is weird because you're still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body.

Getting old is weird because you’re still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body.

I wish everyone would just tell each other, "It’s ok. I don't know what I'm fucking doing either".

I wish everyone would just tell each other, “It’s ok. I don’t know what I’m fucking doing either”.

Out of all my body parts I feel like my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least a thousand eye rolls a day.

Out of all my body parts I feel like my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least a thousand eye rolls a day.

Ever look at someone and think... “Your Mom’s eggs had to be expired”

Ever look at someone and think… “Your Mom’s eggs had to be expired”

You are beautiful inside and out. Said no one ever.

You are beautiful inside and out. Said no one ever.

If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face definitely will.

If my mouth doesn’t say it, my face definitely will.

I never dreamed I’d grow up to be an asshole but here I am killing it.

I never dreamed I’d grow up to be an asshole but here I am killing it.

I'm a social vegan. I avoid meet.

I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.