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Most days I don’t give a fuck and other days I don’t give a motherfucking fuck.

Most days…

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! No wait, the horse is cool. Just fuck you.

Fuck you…

Don’t judge unless you know the story and even if you know the story who the fuck are you to pass judgment anyway.

Don’t judge…

I can never tell if I’m a huge asshole or really caring because there are some people I’d drop everything for, and some I’d punch in the fucking throat just for looking at me.

I can never tell…

Sometimes I like to pull my cranky pants all the way up to my armpits.

Sometimes I like…

A person can only kiss so much ass before they choke on shit.

A person can only kiss…

I may love to shop, but I’m not buying your bullshit.

I may love to shop…

I want that job where they push scared skydivers out of planes.

I want that job…

If you see me jogging, please kill whatever the fuck is chasing me.

If you see me jogging…

The difference between booze and weed? Five drunk people will start a fight. Five stoned people will start a band.

The difference…