I act like I don’t give a shit, but deep down... I still don’t give a shit.

I act like…

I can only please one person a day and that person is me. Fuck you.

I can only please…

Sometimes it blows my mind that I was the most qualified sperm.

Sometimes it blows my mind…

All I want is to be loved for the scumbag piece of shit that I am.

All I want is to be loved…

I say “Fuck this shit” about 35 times a day because shit never stays fucked.

I say “Fuck this shit”…

FUCKDUST: What is left after you are out of fucks to give.

FUCKDUST…

You may call it being a smart ass. I call it explaining why you’re an idiot.

You may call it being a smart ass…

If you’re going to totally fuck it up at least fuck it up so bad that people wonder how you did it.

If you’re going to totally fuck it up…

Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many women still sleep with their husbands.

Despite the old saying…

Knowing your wife is in the wrong is one thing... proving she’s in the wrong is just plain stupidity.

Knowing your wife…