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Nothing brings a group of assholes together faster than something that’s none of their fucking business.

Nothing brings a group of assholes together faster than something that’s none of their fucking business.

Life is a lot like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely… then woman makes it hard.

Life is a lot like a penis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely… then woman makes it hard.

If I actually “spoke my mind” I’d be in deep shit.

If I actually “spoke my mind” I’d be in deep shit.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s just not worth the jail time.

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s just not worth the jail time.

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it?

Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app they will start using it?

I’m not a proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one.

I’m not a proctologist but I know an asshole when I see one.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Alan Dundes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Alan Dundes

I would rather be known in life as an Honest Sinner, than a Lying Hypocrite.

I would rather be known in life as an Honest Sinner, than a Lying Hypocrite.

Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.

Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them.