Don't be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.

Don’t be a magnet for fucktards and shitwits.

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.

Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have an Alzheimer’s.

Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus nor do I have an Alzheimer’s.

I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talk to himself.

I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talk to himself.

Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

Don’t break anybody’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206.

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused that stress to begin with. - Alan Garner

Hitting the gym to release stress is not nearly as effective as hitting the people that caused that stress to begin with. – Alan Garner

Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

Don’t make excuses for nasty people. You can’t put a flower in an asshole and call it a vase.

Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake.