Body

My brain says “let’s do something exciting today”. My body says “don’t listen to that fool”.

My brain says…

Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting “Holy shit... what a ride!”

Life’s journey…

A hangover is just your body reminding you that you’re an idiot.

A hangover is…

My mind still thinks I’m 25. My body thinks my mind is an idiot.

My mind still thinks…

I'm like 10 people packed into 1 body. Spin the wheel motherfuckers.

I’m like 10 people…

Dad bods are fine until you make her mad. Then you’re a fat fuck.

Dad bods are fine…

My body is a filter: coffee comes in, sarcasm comes out.

My body is a filter…

Getting old is weird because you're still that same enthusiastic kid trapped in a shitshow of a body.

Getting old…

Out of all my body parts I feel like my eyes are in the best shape. I do at least a thousand eye rolls a day.

Out of all my body parts…

If my body was a car I would trade it for a newer model. Cause every time I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and and my exhaust backfires.

If my body was a car…