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Don’t tell me to make myself at home then act surprised when I take off my pants and drink all your vodka.

Don’t tell me…

People who say “go big or go home” seriously underestimate my willingness to go home. Like, it’is literally my only goal.

People who say…

Dear Ex, if I could go back to the day I met you, I would stay at home and cook rice one by one.

Dear Ex…

I like being at home in my own little world. The real world has too many assholes.

I like being at home…

I’d socialize, but it gets in the way of just being at home and doing what I want.

I’d socialize…

I don’t care if you see me on my porch, if I say I’m not home, I’m not home.

I don’t care…

I like to whisper romantic shit after sex like “hey... go home”.

I like to whisper…

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

Home is…

People say “go big or go home”, as if going home were a bad thing. Hell yeah I wanna go home. And I’m gonna take a nap when I get there.

People say “go big…

The older you get the more you appreciate being at home not doing a fucking thing.

The older you get…