Wake Up

Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.

Folgers got it wrong…

I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "Haha good one!", and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

I wake up everyday…

When people say they slept like a baby, does that mean they woke up 3 times that night screaming and shit their pants?

When people say…

I wake up with a good attitude every day. Then idiots happen.

I wake up…

Don't like me? Cool. I don't wake up every day to impress you.

Don’t like me?…

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.

Surprise sex…