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Coffee

Coffee fuels my sarcasm. What fuels your stupidity?

Coffee fuels my sarcasm. What fuels your stupidity?

If your coffee order is more than four words, you are part of the problem.

If your coffee order is more than four words, you are part of the problem.

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.

My morning coffee makes me feel like I got my shit together. I don’t. But it feels like it.

My morning coffee makes me feel like I got my shit together. I don’t. But it feels like it.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! - Darynda Jones

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! – Darynda Jones

I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.

I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.

BEFORE COFFEE: I hate everybody. AFTER COFFEE: I feel good about hating everybody.

Before I have coffee, everyone is an asshole. After I have coffee, everyone is still an asshole, but I have coffee.

Before I have coffee, everyone is an asshole. After I have coffee, everyone is still an asshole, but I have coffee.

IF DRINKS COULD TALK: Coffee - You can do this! Wine - You don't have to do this! Tequila - Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!!!

IF DRINKS COULD TALK: Coffee – You can do this! Wine – You don’t have to do this! Tequila – Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!!!

Sometimes in the morning while sipping my coffee, I think about all the people I’m going to piss off today… and I smile.

Sometimes in the morning while sipping my coffee, I think about all the people I’m going to piss off today… and I smile.