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Coffee fuels my sarcasm. What fuels your stupidity?
If your coffee order is more than four words, you are part of the problem.
I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.
My morning coffee makes me feel like I got my shit together. I don’t. But it feels like it.
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! – Darynda Jones
I run on caffeine, sarcasm, and inappropriate thoughts.
BEFORE COFFEE: I hate everybody. AFTER COFFEE: I feel good about hating everybody.
Before I have coffee, everyone is an asshole. After I have coffee, everyone is still an asshole, but I have coffee.
IF DRINKS COULD TALK: Coffee – You can do this! Wine – You don’t have to do this! Tequila – Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!!!
Sometimes in the morning while sipping my coffee, I think about all the people I’m going to piss off today… and I smile.