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I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.

I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! - Darynda Jones

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster and with more energy! – Darynda Jones

Dr's say that drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps your skin look younger. My advice: Drink 8 glasses of wine a day an you won't give a damn how old you look.

Dr’s say that drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps your skin look younger. My advice: Drink 8 glasses of wine a day an you won’t give a damn how old you look.

I finally quit drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.

I finally quit drinking for good. Now I drink for evil.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck. Therefore, I wish I could exchange my heart for a liver, so I can drink more and care less.

Stress is caused by giving a fuck. Therefore, I wish I could exchange my heart for a liver, so I can drink more and care less.

A baby can drink a bottle, fall asleep and people say its cute. If I do it, I'm an alcoholic.

A baby can drink a bottle, fall asleep and people say its cute. If I do it, I’m an alcoholic.

When I drink alcohol, everyone says I'm an alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one says I'm fantastic.

When I drink alcohol, everyone says I’m an alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one says I’m fantastic.

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAVE A DRINK. - Me as a therapist.

OH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HAVE A DRINK. – Me as a therapist.

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. Whatever works.

I feel like water solves all problems. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Clear face? Drink water. Tired of a person? Drown them.

I feel like water solves all problems. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Clear face? Drink water. Tired of a person? Drown them.

There are two types of people in this world: People you want to drink with and people who make you want to drink.

There are two types of people in this world: People you want to drink with and people who make you want to drink.

The key to getting along with people is to either lower your expectations or learn to drink.

The key to getting along with people is to either lower your expectations or learn to drink.

IF DRINKS COULD TALK: Coffee - You can do this! Wine - You don't have to do this! Tequila - Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!!!

IF DRINKS COULD TALK: Coffee – You can do this! Wine – You don’t have to do this! Tequila – Holy shit! Did you really just do that?!!!

I don't always walk the walk, or even talk the talk. But if you want someone who can drink the drink, I'm totally there for you.

I don’t always walk the walk, or even talk the talk. But if you want someone who can drink the drink, I’m totally there for you.

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.

Every damn day I ask the same three questions. What the fuck is wrong with people? What the fuck was I thinking? Where the fuck is my drink?

Every damn day I ask the same three questions: What the fuck is wrong with people? What the fuck was I thinking? Where the fuck is my drink?

I don’t drink on lunch breaks because the last thing I need is more motivation to tell everyone to fuck off.

I don’t drink on lunch breaks because the last thing I need is more i to tell everyone to fuck off.

If you eat well, get good sleep, exercise, and drink plenty of water, you’ll die anyway.

If you eat well, get good sleep, exercise, and drink plenty of water, you’ll die anyway.

Dirty mind. Caring friend. Potty mouth. Good heart. Smart ass. Kind of an asshole. Humble. Great in bed. Can drink like a fish. Will call you on your shit. I never said I was perfect.

Dirty mind. Caring friend. Potty mouth. Good heart. Smart ass. Kind of an asshole. Humble. Great in bed. Can drink like a fish. Will call you on your shit. I never said I was perfect.

Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly.

Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly.