To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.
The older you get the more you appreciate being at home not doing a fucking thing.
You’re never too old to try something stupid.
Act my age? What the fuck is that “act my age?” What do I care how old I am? The ocean is old as fuck. It will still drown your ass with vigor.
You know you’re getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to have a nap to continue to do barely anything.
Dr’s say that drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps your skin look younger. My advice: Drink 8 glasses of wine a day an you won’t give a damn how old you look.
You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking “I might as well pee while I’m here”.
I don’t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
MY 4 MOODS: I’m too old for this shit, I’m too tired for this shit, I’m too sober for this shit, I don’t have time for this shit.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is not what I expected.