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Old

You’re never too old to try something stupid.

You’re never too old to try something stupid.

Act my age? What the fuck is that “act my age?” What do I care how old I am? The ocean is old as fuck. It will still drown your ass with vigor.

Act my age? What the fuck is that “act my age?” What do I care how old I am? The ocean is old as fuck. It will still drown your ass with vigor.

You know you’re getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to have a nap to continue to do barely anything.

You know you’re getting old when you barely do anything all day, but still need to have a nap to continue to do barely anything.

Dr's say that drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps your skin look younger. My advice: Drink 8 glasses of wine a day an you won't give a damn how old you look.

Dr’s say that drinking 8 glasses of water a day helps your skin look younger. My advice: Drink 8 glasses of wine a day an you won’t give a damn how old you look.

You know you're getting old when you can't walk past a bathroom without thinking "I might as well pee while I'm here".

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking “I might as well pee while I’m here”.

I don't think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.

I don’t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.

My 4 Moods

MY 4 MOODS: I’m too old for this shit, I’m too tired for this shit, I’m too sober for this shit, I don’t have time for this shit.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is not what I expected.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older. This shit is not what I expected.

Think old and you'll be old. Think young and you'll be a delusional old fart.

Think old and you’ll be old. Think young and you’ll be a delusional old fart.

Some people are like old TVs. They need to be slapped a few times to get fucking picture.

Some people are like old TVs. They need to be slapped a few times to get fucking picture.

Don’t worry about getting older. You’re still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.

Don’t worry about getting older. You’re still going to do dumb stuff, only slower.

As I have grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.