Shit happens. Every day. To everyone. The difference is in how people deal with it.
There are over 7 billion people on this planet and I can only tolerate maybe a dozen.
My spirit animal is a slightly deranged unicorn who has a mission to poke holes in all of the annoying people.
People often forget that shutting the fuck up is a good activity for them to consider.
People should seriously stop expecting normal from me. Stop acting like you don’t know who you’re dealing with.
I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.
A lot of people have the wrong idea about me and I have no desire to clear shit up.
When people try to drag you into their drama, remember this: not your rodeo not your bull.
Some people ride the crazy train, I drive that motherfucker.
Some people speak so much crap, it’s difficult to know whether to offer them toilet paper or a breath mint.
The difference between me and most people is the shit everyone else says behind your back, I say it to your face.
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they’re dead.
When people suck the life out of you, wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat too?
Be happy. It drives people crazy.
I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see which ones are real and which ones are fake.
It isn’t that I’m not a people person, I’m just not a stupid people person.
I love it when people think they’re going to punish me by not talking to me.
Isn’t it pathetic how we waste so much time on certain people and in the end they prove that they weren’t even worth a second of it.
To the people in their twenties who think life sucks, life hasn’t even begun to fuck you yet. Buckle up buttercup!