Not everyone gets the same version of me. One person might tell you I’m amazing beautiful soul. Another person will say I’m cold-hearted asshole. Believe them both, I act accordingly.
I hate when I’m starting to become a good person and someone comes and pushes my asshole-mode buttons.
Be weird. Be random. Be who you are. Be a little crazy. Be loud. Be vulgar. Whatever it is that tickles your pickle… Do it. You never know who would love the person you hide.
I don’t mind being told what to do, as long as the person telling me doesn’t mind being told to fuck off.
I’m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.
I like the person I am.You don’t have to.
Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and walk away. Other times, you have to be the bigger bitch to remind them who they’re dealing with.
It isn’t that I’m not a people person, I’m just not a stupid people person.
I am an extreme person, the only middle I know is a finger and it says to hell with everything.
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the next door neighbor.
My goal is to be that old person that everyone is afraid to take out in public.
Pre – annoyed: You knew this person is about to piss you off even before they say anything.
I am a nice person. Just don’t push the asshole button.
Opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room.
Being a good person doesn’t mean you have to put up with other people’s crap all the time.
Listen, drunk me and sober me are not the same person. So if drunk me said or did something, you have to take it up with drunk me. Don’t come at sober me. We weren’t there. We don’t know what happened.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is just a fucking twat waffle and isn’t worth your time.
I am seriously the nicest and meanest person you will ever meet. Now fuck off and have a great day.
Vampires are real. Everyday I meet at least one person who sucks the life out of me.
Do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you’re like “glad I got the fuck outta that one”?