If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are you have small boobs.
Remember, when somebody annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that face.
Always remember you’re someone’s reason to smile because you’re a joke.
When people try to drag you into their drama, remember this: not your rodeo not your bull.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck. – Joss Whedon
Just remember that all the shit someone puts you through, sooner or later finds its way back to them.
Remember, if you have an issue with me I will never give a flying fuck. My life, my rules. Can’t handle it? Fuck the fuck off.
When in doubt, remember “FISH”: Fuck It, Shit Happens.
If you hate yourself, remember that you are not alone. A lot of other people hate you too.
Sometimes I wonder how I even made it this far. Then I remember I am an awesome motherfucker.
STRESS: SHIT TO REMEMBER EVERY SINGLE SECOND
Remember, Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
Just remember, other people’s opinions won’t pay your bills.
Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have many friends. Then I hear some of the stupid shit that comes out of people’s mouths and I remember.
REMEMBER: No one is perfect. Everyone’s ass has a crack in it.
If you’re going to be an ass, remember to be a smart one, not a dumb one.
If you want to be remembered, don’t act nice. Act like an asshole. Nobody forgets assholes.
Sometimes I just don’t feel like getting out of bed… Then I remember I have people to piss off and prove wrong.
If someone throws a stone at you, throw a flower at them. But remember to throw the flower pot with it.
For all the women that brag about how many men want them, just remember the cheapest prices attract the most customers.