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Sarcastic

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.

I didn't turn into an asshole overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

If it involves fake smiling, I'm not going.

Who need drugs when human emotions can fuck you up just the same.

Never tell your problems to anyone. 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them.

Why do people with brains the size of peas have mouths the size of watermelons?

I'm always on my best behavior. It just so happens that my best behavior is not very good.

Stop saying “everything happens for a reason” when you fuck up! Shit happens because you let it.

Don't you love it when just your presence pisses someone off?

Troubles are like dicks. Everybody thinks they got the biggest.

I don't have a problem with anger. I have a problem with idiots.

For the amount of shit I've been through, I really have a beautiful soul.

I am not made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Sarcasm, alcohol, anger issues and carbs is more accurate.

Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?

Pre - annoyed: You knew this person is about to piss you off even before they say anything.

If you don't like the word cunt, then don't act like a cunt, and you won't be called a cunt. Ya cunt.

Be nice, but not too nice. The world will FUCK YOU otherwise.

Is FUCKTASTROPHY a word? Because I feel it could be useful.

Have you noticed that the people with verbal diarrhea are often the people with crap for brains?

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