Sarcastic

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
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I didn't turn into an asshole overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.
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If it involves fake smiling, I'm not going.
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Who need drugs when human emotions can fuck you up just the same.
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Never tell your problems to anyone. 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them.
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Why do people with brains the size of peas have mouths the size of watermelons?
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I'm always on my best behavior. It just so happens that my best behavior is not very good.
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Stop saying “everything happens for a reason” when you fuck up! Shit happens because you let it.
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Don't you love it when just your presence pisses someone off?
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Troubles are like dicks. Everybody thinks they got the biggest.
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I don't have a problem with anger. I have a problem with idiots.
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For the amount of shit I've been through, I really have a beautiful soul.
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I am not made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Sarcasm, alcohol, anger issues and carbs is more accurate.
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Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?
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Pre - annoyed: You knew this person is about to piss you off even before they say anything.
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If you don't like the word cunt, then don't act like a cunt, and you won't be called a cunt. Ya cunt.
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Be nice, but not too nice. The world will FUCK YOU otherwise.
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Is FUCKTASTROPHY a word? Because I feel it could be useful.
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Have you noticed that the people with verbal diarrhea are often the people with crap for brains?
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