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Sarcastic Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

Every evening when I tell my boss "Have a good night", what I really saying is "Go fuck yourself".

I've learned a lot of great lessons from a few fucked up people.

How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the fuck out of my way" becomes acceptable?

Pretty sure I’ve spent about a third of my life saying "What the fuck is wrong with people".

I am much nicer if you don't get to know me.

Never try to fuck up someone's life with the lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.

opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room

Too bad you can't photoshop an ugly personality.

Trusting people has made me the asshole I am today.

People who think their shit don't stink haven't pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to smell the difference.

Is it just me or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?

Rude, Sarcastic, Funny Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings

Remember, if you have an issue with me I will never give a flying fuck. My life, my rules. Can’t handle it? Fuck the fuck off.

I'm an odd combination of "really sweet" and "don't mess with me".

Let's not make this more complicated than it has to be. If you don't want to be called out on your shit, don't act shitty.

When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his penis and throws it at the female so she can inseminate herself, then he grows a new penis. If that isn't the most epic way to tell someone to "go fuck yourself" I don't know what is.

When you try your hardest not to be a fucker, but everyone you deal with is a fucker, so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outfuck the fuckers.

"GO ON", I whisper as I unfold my hands towards the open sky. A single fuck escapes from my finger, soaring gracefully into the cool air. "YOU'RE FREE NOW". My last fuck has gone. I have none left to give.

I hate when people use their zodiac to justify shitty behaviour like "Sorry I can't help it, I'm a Scorpio". No Susan, you're just a bitch.

If I offended you, cry me a river. I’ll bring snacks and a raft. I will literally float down your tears eating chips and working on my tan.

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