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Sarcastic Quotes

Most days I don’t give a fuck and other days I don’t give a motherfucking fuck.

Most days…

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! No wait, the horse is cool. Just fuck you.

Fuck you…

Don’t judge unless you know the story and even if you know the story who the fuck are you to pass judgment anyway.

Don’t judge…

A person can only kiss so much ass before they choke on shit.

A person can only kiss…

I may love to shop, but I’m not buying your bullshit.

I may love to shop…

I want that job where they push scared skydivers out of planes.

I want that job…

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them. Police call it indecent exposure, but whatever.

It only takes a second…

I hate it when people say “well, it could be worse”. Well, you know what? It could have been a hell of a lot better, too.

I hate it…

Sex over 50 can be exciting. You never know whether it’s an orgasm, a stroke or just a cramp.

Sex over 50…

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone... Ain't no borderline psychotic emotional outburst either.

Ain’t no sunshine…