Sarcastic Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings, Remarks

Every evening when I tell my boss "Have a good night", what I really saying is "Go fuck yourself".
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I've learned a lot of great lessons from a few fucked up people.
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How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the fuck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
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Pretty sure I’ve spent about a third of my life saying "What the fuck is wrong with people".
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I am much nicer if you don't get to know me.
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Never try to fuck up someone's life with the lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.
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opinions are like farts, everyone else’s stinks, they are hard to hold in and when you let one go, at least one person will leave the room
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Too bad you can't photoshop an ugly personality.
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Trusting people has made me the asshole I am today.
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People who think their shit don't stink haven't pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to smell the difference.
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Is it just me or do idiots multiply quicker than normal people?
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Rude, Sarcastic, Funny Quotes, Thoughts, Sayings
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Remember, if you have an issue with me I will never give a flying fuck. My life, my rules. Can’t handle it? Fuck the fuck off.
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I'm an odd combination of "really sweet" and "don't mess with me".
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Let's not make this more complicated than it has to be. If you don't want to be called out on your shit, don't act shitty.
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When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his penis and throws it at the female so she can inseminate herself, then he grows a new penis. If that isn't the most epic way to tell someone to "go fuck yourself" I don't know what is.
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When you try your hardest not to be a fucker, but everyone you deal with is a fucker, so you end up being a bigger fucker just to outfuck the fuckers.
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"GO ON", I whisper as I unfold my hands towards the open sky. A single fuck escapes from my finger, soaring gracefully into the cool air. "YOU'RE FREE NOW". My last fuck has gone. I have none left to give.
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I hate when people use their zodiac to justify shitty behaviour like "Sorry I can't help it, I'm a Scorpio". No Susan, you're just a bitch.
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If I offended you, cry me a river. I’ll bring snacks and a raft. I will literally float down your tears eating chips and working on my tan.
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