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Sarcastic Quotes

I’m sorry that my apologies seem insincere and I promise to keep practicing them until you no longer notice.

I’m sorry…

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers

Never miss…

If I ask you how you’re doing, please just say “good” and move on. Don’t start telling me shit.

If I ask you…

Whenever I’m about to give up, I remind myself the world would be a better place without me and I simply cannot let that happen.

Whenever I’m about to give up…

Just because you're unique, doesn't mean you're useful.

Just because you’re unique…

The light at the end of the tunnel is just the light of an oncoming train.

The light…

Maybe if we wait a little longer, a fuck will fall in my hand and I can give it to you.

Maybe if we wait…

Life sucks and then it gets better. And then it sucks again... and then it just sucks.

Life sucks…

Stay away from all half ass things. Half ass stories, half ass efforts, half ass love, half ass people being half ass there.

Stay away…

Never apologize for being an asshole, because once you stop there's always another one to take your place.

Never apologize…