Sarcastic

I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand.
Sorry, it's not my job to blow sunshine up your ass.
I'd tell you to kiss my ass, but I'm pretty sure you'd fall in love, and then I'd never get rid of you.
They say money doesn't bring happiness... I say neither does being broke.
I look both ways before crossing a one way street. That's how little faith I have left in humanity.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
Seriously, I don't know when exactly that UFO landed and dumped all these stupid people, but they apparently aren't coming back for them.
I wasn’t always this sarcastic. It took me many years of dealing with assholes to become this good at it.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying" because ending the sentence with "dumb ass" would probably be considered offensive.
Reach for the stars because at the very least you'll air out your armpits.
In my heart I believe that the majority of people are good but holy shit the bad ones are very loud and very annoying.
The only person who listens to both sides of an argument is the next door neighbor.
A friend is someone who listens to your bullshit, tells you that it is bullshit and listens some more.
If hard times only make you stronger then I should be able to whip Superman’s ass by now.
I'm not anti-social. I'm anti-bullshit.
If you ask a stupid question, you may feel stupid; if you don’t ask a stupid question, you remain stupid. - Tony Rothman
I am allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm
There's something about saying "fuck this shit" that makes you feel better.
No matter how big a hammer you use, you can't pound common sense into stupid people.
Learn not to give a shit, you'll be happier.