Sarcastic Quotes

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my sofa, play on my phone and ignore them. Like an adult.
Be the best version of you, unless you’re an asshole. Don’t be a better asshole.
“Fuck this shit” is always an appropriate response.
Every girl is beautiful. Sometimes it takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
I always mean what I say. But sometimes I don’t mean to say it out loud.
I’m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone.
Oh my lifestyle offends you? Go hold your breath until I give a damn.
I don’t really get upset over much nowadays. I observe, I listen, and then treat your ass accordingly.
When your opinions can pay my bills that’s when I’ll start paying more attention to you. Till then STFU.
I like the person I am.You don't have to.
Be raw. Be open. Be fucking real. Because the last thing this world needs is more fake ass shit.
I’ve met some pricks in my time but you sir, are fucking cactus.
Some people ride the crazy train, I drive that motherfucker.
Some people speak so much crap, it’s difficult to know whether to offer them toilet paper or a breath mint.
The difference between me and most people is the shit everyone else says behind your back, I say it to your face.
Why is life testing me so hard lately? I mean I will survive but damn give me a fucking break.
Don’t ask me stupid questions like, “Are you hungry?” or “Want to get drunk?”
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they’re dead.
Rude, Sarcastic, Funny Quotes & Sayings
If you’re talking behind my back than you’re in the perfect position to kiss my ass.