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Sarcastic Quotes

They tell you to do what makes you happy. Then they fucking tell you that you drink too much, eat too much and fucking swear too much. What the fuck, that's the shit that makes me happy.

They tell you to do…

I got trust issues because people got lying issues.

I got trust issues…

Never fuck with a fucked up fucker that doesn't give a fuck.

Never fuck with…

What doesn't kill me only makes me weirder and harder to relate to.

What doesn’t kill me…

The speed at which a woman says "I'm fine" is directly proportional to the severity of the shit storm that's about to follow.

The speed at which a woman says…

I never have to ask "Is it something I said?" It's something I said.

I never have to ask…

You know it's been good day when I didn't have to unleash flying monkeys.

You know it’s been good day…

I'm like 10 people packed into 1 body. Spin the wheel motherfuckers.

I’m like 10 people…

I've reached the age where my train of thought often leaves station without me.

I’ve reached the age…

To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential.

To err is human…