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Sarcastic Quotes

Sometimes you have to remind people you can be an asshole too!

Sometimes you have to…

Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone's throat.

Stress balls really work…

Think old and you'll be old. Think young and you'll be a delusional old fart.

Think old and you’ll be old…

The world would be a better place if everyone took a chill pill. It would get even better if some of them would choke on it.

The world…

Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored they go out for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing. – Scott Westerfeld

Sometimes the thoughts…

Some people handle stress with yoga, meditation and long walks. I handle it with sarcasm, beer and telling people to fuck off.

Some people handle stress…

We buy shit we don’t need, with the money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like.

We buy…

There are two types of people who really irritate me: A drunk person when I’m sober and a sober person when I’m drunk.

There are two types…

Usually, when I say “Excuse me” I actually mean, “Get the fuck out of my way!”

Usually…

Some people just suck the fucking nice right out of you.

Some people just suck…