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Sarcastic Quotes

I always regret making a good first impression because there is no way I can keep that shit up.

I always regret…

I swear some people need a stamp on their forehead that says "DO NOT REPRODUCE".

I swear…

Please don't mistake my smile for agreement; I'm just gritting my teeth.

Please don’t mistake…

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it. - Bernard Bailey

When they discover…

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

I am under no obligation…

Everyone was thinking it. I just said it.

Everyone was thinking it…

I don’t address rumors. I don't clear up rumors. Because I don’t give a fuck what you think. Say what you want.

I don’t address rumors…

Since you know it all, you should also know when to shut up.

Since you know it all…

Never make an eye contact while eating a banana.

Never make eye contact…

Currently... I’m fucking busy, and unfortunately it’s not the other way around.

Currently… I’m fucking busy…