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Not everyone in life is gonna like you. But also, not everyone matters.

Not everyone…

You can cunt on me. One missing letter can destroy friendships.

You can…

The only thing my ex hasn't fucked is off.

The only thing…

If I am silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chillin, it depends. May the odds be ever in your favor.

If I am silent…

Pro Tip: If your palm itches, you're going to get something. If your crotch itches... you've already got it.

PRO TIP…

If you don't have anything nice to say, say it anyway. Motherfuckers need to hear some truth.

If you don’t have…

You remind me of my Chinese friend... Ug Lee.

You remind me…

Do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you're like "glad I got the fuck outta that one"?

Do you ever see a person…

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. - George Carlin

Just cause you got the monkey…

SCHOOL REUNION: A meeting where it takes only 20 seconds to realize why you haven't seen those people for 20 years.

SCHOOL REUNION…