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If I ever give a flying fuck, it'll be because it's sex position.

If I ever give a flying fuck…

I don't always walk the walk, or even talk the talk. But if you want someone who can drink the drink, I'm totally there for you.

I don’t always walk the walk…

I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I'd love to punch in the face.

I love everybody…

Having a bad day? You could be a siamese twin attached to a gay brother who has a date and you you're the only one with an ass

Having a bad day?…

Some people aren't just missing the odd screw. The whole freakin' toolbox is gone

Some people…

Three rules for life: 1 Fuck, 2 Don't give a fuck, 3 Don't be fucked over

THREE RULES FOR LIFE…

I look at people sometimes and think... Really? That's the sperm that won!?

I look at people…

If you can't be the sharpest tool in the shed, you can always be the hoe.

If you can’t be…

I planned to work out and have a nice body for people to look at this summer, but then I remembered I like food more than I like people.

I planned to work out…

FAMILY VACATION: A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together.

FAMILY VACATION…