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Better

I’ve got a better chance finding a unicorn than I do of going through a whole day without dealing with some fucktard.

I’ve got a better chance…

Sometimes being “The Better Person” is like being the “Pooper Scooper”; you may not want to do it but it has to be done.

Sometimes being “The Better Person…

I love saying things that are better left unsaid.

I love saying things…

Two things to make your day better: Don’t watch the news, 2. Stay off the bathroom scale.

Two things to make your day better…

Forget about prince charming. Go for the wolf. He can see you better, hear you better, and eat you better.

Forget about prince charming…

Some things are better left unsaid. But that’s usually the stuff I blurt out right away.

Some things are…

Whatever doesn't kill me had better start running.

Whatever doesn’t kill me…

Some days it’s just better to stay in bed until the next day.

Some days…

Looking at inspirational quotes to feel better is like looking at a treadmill to lose weight.

Looking at inspirational quotes…

Better discourage a man’s climbing than help him to break his neck.

Better discourage…