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Drunk

You know you are drunk when you put your food in the microwave and enter your pin number.

You know you are drunk…

Don't talk to me about shit that happened when I was drunk. "Drunk me" and "Sober me" are not on speaking terms.

Don’t talk to me…

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, drunk people, and anyone who is pissed the fuck off.

Only 3 types of people…

There are two types of people who really irritate me: A drunk person when I’m sober and a sober person when I’m drunk.

There are two types…

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Life is not a fairy tale…

Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly.

Are we having some drinks…

I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.

I don’t understand…

I told myself that I should stop drinking. But I’m not about to listen to a drunk that talk to himself.

I told myself…

The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.

The best things in life…