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Success is like being pregnant. Everyone says congratulations but nobody knows how many times you were fucked.

Success is like being pregnant. Everyone says congratulations but nobody knows how many times you were fucked.

I’m tired of getting fucked in ways that don’t end in an orgasm.

I’m tired of getting fucked in ways that don’t end in an orgasm.

Never kick me when I'm down, because when I get back up... you're fucked.

Never kick me when I’m down, because when I get back up… you’re fucked.

WE NEED TO TALK: Women's secret code for haha sorry, you're fucked.

WE NEED TO TALK: Women’s secret code for haha sorry, you’re fucked.

It doesn’t matter how book smart you are. If you lack logic, reason, and common sense, you’re fucked.

Three rules for life: 1 Fuck, 2 Don't give a fuck, 3 Don't be fucked over

THREE RULES FOR LIFE: 1 Fuck, 2 Don’t give a fuck, 3 Don’t be fucked over

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.