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Heart

When a man is trying to make a decision, it’s often a struggle between his head and his heart. Then his penis walks in and says, “relax guys, I got this”.

When a man is trying…

They said the only way to get over a broken heart is to fall in love again. So I fell in love with myself. Best fucking relationship in my life.

They said the only way to get over…

Crying about a broken heart all day is childish. Get drunk and set shit on fire, like an adult.

Crying about a broken heart…

Things that shouldn’t be broken 1. Hearts, 2. Promises, 3. Condoms

Things that shouldn’t be broken…

In a battle between heart and brain, I always listen to my stomach.

In a battle between…

I don't have any room for hate in my heart. I do have plenty of room for go fuck yourself though.

I don’t have…

People think Cupid is a symbol for love. Personally, I find an arrow being shot through your heart by a flying baby quite horrifying.

People think Cupid is…

I am no longer following my heart. That bitch gives bad directions.

I am no longer…

How to win the heart of a woman: Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her. How to win the heart of a man: Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

How to win…

In my heart I believe that the majority of people are good but holy shit the bad ones are very loud and very annoying.

In my heart…