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Sex

If I ever give a flying fuck, it'll be because it's sex position.

If I ever give a flying fuck, it’ll be because it’s sex position.

If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes, it wasn't you who decided to have sex.

If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes, it wasn’t you who decided to have sex.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

First off sex on the first night is not hoeing. It’s an interview and if I call you the next day. You got the job.

First off sex on the first night is not hoeing. It’s an interview and if I call you the next day. You got the job.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to. Unless you’re in prison.

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply.

Sex is like math. Add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don’t multiply.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.