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Don’t try to play crazy with me. I’m better at it.

Don’t try to play crazy…

I try to act nonchalant, but underneath I’m chalant as fuck.

I try to act nonchalant…

Yeah, I tried shutting the fuck up... It’s absolutely not for me.

Yeah, I tried…

If someone tells me “to take it down a notch”, that guarantees a five notch increase. Don’t fucking try to de-notch me.

If someone tells me…

You would lose your mind trying to understand mine.

You would lose your mind…

What doesn’t kill you will probably try again.

What doesn’t kill you…

When a man is trying to make a decision, it’s often a struggle between his head and his heart. Then his penis walks in and says, “relax guys, I got this”.

When a man is trying…

Before you try to hurt my feelings please keep in mind I don’t have any and you probably do.

Before you try to hurt…

Some people set high standards for themselves. I just try to be less an asshole each day.

Some people set…

I do try to be a good person. But then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit and I just have to try again tomorrow.

I do try to be a good person…