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What doesn’t kill you will probably try again.

What doesn’t kill you…

When a man is trying to make a decision, it’s often a struggle between his head and his heart. Then his penis walks in and says, “relax guys, I got this”.

When a man is trying…

Before you try to hurt my feelings please keep in mind I don’t have any and you probably do.

Before you try to hurt…

Some people set high standards for themselves. I just try to be less an asshole each day.

Some people set…

I do try to be a good person. But then someone pulls out in front of me doing ten below the speed limit and I just have to try again tomorrow.

I do try to be a good person…

You don’t have to like me, just don’t try me.

You don’t have to…

I tried to put myself in your shoes but they were cheap and ugly, just like you.

I tried to put myself…

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. - W. C. Fields

If at first you don’t succeed…

I live my life between "Jesus take the wheel" and "motherfucker, try me".

I live my life between…

Don’t try to figure me out. I am special kind of twisted.

Don’t try to figure me out…