Cynical

Stress is caused by giving a fuck. Therefore, I wish I could exchange my heart for a liver, so I can drink more and care less.
Fuck being nice to everyone. If someone treats you badly, you have every right not to tolerate bullshit.
Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake.
You think I'm sarcastic? You should hear what I don't say.
Even if I had a pocket full of fucks I still wouldn't give you one.
Revenge is not in my plans. You'll fuck yourself on your own
The problem with opinions is that even idiots are allowed to have them.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill
All men like to think they're marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.
I would love to insult you, but I’m afraid I won’t do as well as nature did.
“How do you sleep at night knowing people don’t like you?” With no underwear in case they want to kiss my ass.
I am an optimist! I think most people are half full of crap.
I can look directly at someone, nod when they’re talking, maybe even throw in a "yeah", and still not hear a single word they said.
I should be ashamed of my behavior. Let's be clear. I'm not, but I should be.
I don't regret burning my bridges. I regret that some people weren't on those bridges when I burnt them.
The stuff you heard about me is a lie, I'm way worse.
"FUCK IT" helped me through a lot of situations.
I’ve lost my ability to give a damn. If found, no need to return it. Go ahead and keep it and see if it works for you.
I'm not sorry for being me, take me as I am, if you don't like what you see, then piss off.
A journey of thousand miles starts with one step. Then again, so does falling in a ditch and breaking your neck.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't stick my head that far up my ass.
I didn't turn into an asshole overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.
When you truly don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you have reached a dangerously awesome level of freedom.
Never tell your problems to anyone. 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them.