Cynical Quotes

Seeing people walk out of my life is really painful. I want them to run.
Life is what happens when you’re busy reading inspirational quotes.
Sarcasm it’s how I hug.
Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m in a bad mood or if everyone around me is really fucking annoying.
If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.
Everything is bad and everyone is dumb.
It’s not an attitude if I have it every day. It’s my personality.
Until you work in food or retail, you have no idea the level of stupid that exist in the world.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. - Steven Wright
I hate when I’m starting to become a good person and someone comes and pushes my asshole-mode buttons.
No matter what you are going through, always try and help people. So instead of saying “Fuck off” ask, “How can I help you to fuck off?”
When killing them with kindness doesn’t work, I’ve heard that baseball bat is quite effective.
Every group needs its twat, and if you’re in a group of people and there isn’t a twat, then it’s you. - Angus Watson
Half of me is a hopeless romantic and the other... well the other is an asshole.
Some trite inspirational quote about overcoming things or some shit. I don’t know. Fuck off.
I either drink coffee or I say bad words. Just kidding. I do both.
Karma is always watching. Just like Santa Claus, only bitchier.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. - Oscar Wilde
Just because I give you advice, it doesn’t mean I know more than you. It just means I’ve done more stupid shit.
If you never try anything new, you’ll miss out on many of life’s great disappointments.