Cynical

I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
I wasn’t always this sarcastic. It took me many years of dealing with assholes to become this good at it.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying" because ending the sentence with "dumb ass" would probably be considered offensive.
Reach for the stars because at the very least you'll air out your armpits.
I'm not anti-social. I'm anti-bullshit.
If you ask a stupid question, you may feel stupid; if you don’t ask a stupid question, you remain stupid. - Tony Rothman
There's something about saying "fuck this shit" that makes you feel better.
Learn not to give a shit, you'll be happier.
Sometimes the black ship of the family is the only one who has the balls to tell the truth.
Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Stress is caused by giving a fuck. Therefore, I wish I could exchange my heart for a liver, so I can drink more and care less.
Fuck being nice to everyone. If someone treats you badly, you have every right not to tolerate bullshit.
Roses are dead, love is fake, weddings are basically funerals with cake.
You think I'm sarcastic? You should hear what I don't say.
Even if I had a pocket full of fucks I still wouldn't give you one.
Revenge is not in my plans. You'll fuck yourself on your own
The problem with opinions is that even idiots are allowed to have them.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill
All men like to think they're marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is, after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.