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Cynical Quotes

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen. It’ll make the surprise that much bigger when life inevitably fucks you over.

Always believe…

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.

Think I am sarcastic?…

We acknowledge that there is no “I” in team, but there is definitely a “U” in cunt.

We acknowledge…

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

If it looks like…

Have a great day! Or don’t! No one cares!

Have a great day!…

If your phone battery lasts all day, it’s because no one likes you.

If your phone battery…

Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes it makes you want to scream, cry or throw up.

Life is like…

Shutting the fuck up is gluten-free. Add that to your diet.

Shutting the fuck up…

Always believe that something wonderful will probably never happen.

Always believe…

I became so religious so that I could pray for you to burn in hell.

I became so religious…