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Cynical Quotes

When you say everything happens for a reason, don’t be surprised when I slap you in the face. It happened for a reason.

When you say…

Being kissed while you’re asleep is one of the purest forms of love... Unless you’re in prison.

Being kissed…

I can’t hear your bullshit over the sound of the fucks I'm not giving.

I can’t hear your bullshit…

Am I a good person? No. But do I try to make myself better every day? Also, No.

Am I a good person?…

When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

When I was young…

I wear all black to remind you notto mess with me, because I’m already dressed for your funeral.

I wear all black…

If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.

If you want to be remembered…

Please don't interrupt me while I'm ignoring you.

Please don’t interrupt me…

Never trust anyone who spells gonorrhea right on the first try.

Never trust…

The difference between tequila and your opinion is I asked for tequila.

The difference…