Funny Quotes

Being an adult is just spending every day looking at a pill bottle wondering, “did I take it or not?!”

Being an adult…

Glad to see so many embracing therapy. A few of you need an exorcism as well but... baby steps.

Glad to see…

Look, someone’s gotta be the weirdest person in any given social group and it might as well be me.

Look, someone’s gotta be…

I am often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

I am often mistaken…

If you really can’t stand someone, let them 100$. Chances are you’ll never see them again.

If you really can’t stand…

You can be funny without being an asshole. I can’t... But you probably can.

You can be funny…

When you can be anything you want, an asshole seems an odd choice.

When you can be…

Whenever I tell someone where I live and they say, “OMG that’s so far” I’m like calm down I’m not inviting you.

Whenever I tell someone…

I tried to follow my dreams. But now I have multiple restraining orders.

I tried…

I’m still waiting patiently for the wisdom that supposedly comes with old age. Anyone else?

I’m still waiting…