Funny Quotes

I’m not great at advice, can I interest you in sarcastic comment? - Chandler Bing

I’m not great at advice…

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

I wanna be 14 again…

To all the adults using colouring books for stress relief, grow the fuck up and get drunk like the rest of us.

To all the adults…

People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.

People are so ungrateful…

Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting.

Having a dirty mind…

Being an asshole is easy. Being a bitch takes style.

Being an asshole is easy…

Alcohol may not be the answer, but it sure helps forget the question.

Alcohol may not be the answer…

I pretend to like people everyday. It's called being an adult. That's why we're allowed to buy alcohol.

I pretend…

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew

A pessimist…

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

Men, if you ever want to know…