Home     Browse     Tags     Random

Funny Quotes

In the Sixties people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take Prozac to make it normal. - Damon Albarn

In the Sixties…

The most dangerous animal in the world is a smiling woman sitting in silence.

The most dangerous animal…

I don’t mind coming to work, but this eight hour wait to go home is just bulshit.

I don’t mind…

Don't act like you never waddled across the house to get a new roll of toilet paper with your pants around your ankles.

Don’t act…

More money is spent on boob jobs and viagra than on alzheimer's research. By 2040 the elderly will have perky tits, stiff cocks, and no fucking idea why!

More money…

Two reasons I don't trust people: 1. I don't know them, 2. I know them.

TWO REASONS…

RELATIONSHIP: The ability to put up with someone else's bullshit, usually of the opposite sex, for a long period of time.

RELATIONSHIP…

I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. The list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.

I’m going to be very busy…

If you want to change the world, do it while you're single. Once you're married, you can't even change the TV channel.

If you want to change…

I was taught to think before I act, so if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured, I've thought about it, and am confident in my decision.

I was taught to think…