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Funny Quotes

Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Blessed are the constipated…

Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small. Some are real and some are fake.

Friends are like boobs…

Every family has one weird relative. If you don’t know who it is, then it’s probably you.

Every family has…

Always keep your chin up. Otherwise you are just looking at your own boobs all day.

Always keep your chin up…

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.

Life is…

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it's always the liver that suffers.

Whenever the brain…

Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we do something about natural stupidity? - Steve Polyak

Before we work on…

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

Behind every man…

Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car.

Making fun of someone…

As I have grown older…