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Blessed are the constipated for they don’t give a shit.

Blessed are the constipated…

Complaining is mouth farting. And like any farting, I don’t mind hearing my own, but I don’t want to hear anyone else’s.

Complaining is…

“As fuck” is my favorite unit of measurement.

“As fuck”…

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex…

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.

Life is…

Being a dick won’t make yours any bigger.

Being a dick…

Life is like toilet paper. You’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Life is like…

Stress is caused by giving a fuck.

Stress is caused…

52% of women fake orgasms. 100% of men don’t give a shit.

52% of women…