Life

Three rules for life: 1 Fuck, 2 Don't give a fuck, 3 Don't be fucked over
With age come new skills... You can laugh, cough, sneeze, and pee all at the same time.
ME: I'm actually happy right now. LIFE: LOL one sec...
I am sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.
Life is so much easier when you just don't give a shit.
Every damn day I ask the same three questions. What the fuck is wrong with people? What the fuck was I thinking? Where the fuck is my drink?
If You don't know your own worth and value, then do not expect someone else to calculate it for you.
I go through a daily struggle of deciding whether to shut up or go fucking savage on everyone.
It's not that we have more patience as we get older, we just don't give a fuck anymore about pointless drama.
Shit Happens. Just flush it and move on.
Some days you meet someone and you immediately know you want to spend the rest of your days without them.
When I was young I just wanted to be older. What the hell was I thinking!
I don't care if you hate me, I don't live to fucking please you.
In the Sixties people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take Prozac to make it normal. - Damon Albarn
More money is spent on boob jobs and viagra than on alzheimer's research. By 2040 the elderly will have perky tits, stiff cocks, and no fucking idea why!
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the stupid ones are full of confidence. - Charles Bukowsky
RELATIONSHIP: The ability to put up with someone else's bullshit, usually of the opposite sex, for a long period of time.
If you want to change the world, do it while you're single. Once you're married, you can't even change the TV channel.
Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.

Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That’s why women wear makeup and men lie.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?