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Life Quotes

Life is like a toilet. There’s always an asshole trying to shit on your day.

Life is like a toilet…

Life is like a penis. It’s short, but seems long when it gets hard.

Life is like a penis…

You just have to take life one WTF at a time.

You just have to take life…

Life is about balance 50% NAMASTE, 50% FUCK OFF

Life is about balance…

If I had sex as much as I get screwed... life would be awesome!

If I had sex…

In life you either “pisses pants” or you “shits aggressively”.

In life you either…

A random toddler just waved at me. I didn't wave back. Welcome to life and all of its disappointments you little shit.

A random toddler…

If life turns her back on you, grab her ass. - Nelson Rodrigues

If life turns her back on you…

At the end of the day life should ask us: “Do you want to save the changes?”

At the end of the day…

This stage of my life is called a "mid-life fuck it".

This stage of my life…