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Life Quotes

I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.

I love being me…

Maybe it’s not life that sucks. Maybe it’s just the people you let in your life that suck.

Maybe it’s not life…

Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself. Moral of the story: in life no one helps you once you’re fucked.

Before sex…

Hold your head high, and your middle finger higher.

Hold your head high…

Life is like a dick. Sometimes it's up... Sometimes it's down... But it won't be hard forever.

Life is…

Whenever the brain and the heart fight, it's always the liver that suffers.

Whenever the brain…

Every time I say "Life can't get more fucked up". Life replies, "Challenge accepted".

Every time I say…

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away.

Handle every stressful situation…

Life is like toilet paper. You’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Life is like…

The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.

The best things in life…