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Men

Men only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew

Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.

Men are a lot like infants. If you want them to shut up just put a boob in their mouth.

MEN ARE THE BEST COOKS because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

To the women who say "all men are the same". Maybe you shouldn't have tried them all?

Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.

Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.

For all the women that brag about how many men want them, just remember the cheapest prices attract the most customers.

Men look at woman’s behind and go “wow! What an ass!” Woman look at man’s face and think the same.

Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

Every guy thinks that every girl’s dream is to find the perfect guy. Wrong! Every girl’s dream is to eat without getting fat.

Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.

52% of women fake orgasms. 100% of men don’t give a shit.

A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.

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