Men

Men only have 2 emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich.
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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin
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A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Depew
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Men, if you ever want to know what a woman's mind feels like, imagine a browser with 2576 tabs open. ALL THE TIME.
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Men are a lot like infants. If you want them to shut up just put a boob in their mouth.
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MEN ARE THE BEST COOKS because with two eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.
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The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
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To the women who say "all men are the same". Maybe you shouldn't have tried them all?
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Women fall in love with what they hear. Men fall in love with what they see. That's why women wear makeup and men lie.
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Women fake orgasms to have relationships. Men fake relationships to have orgasms.
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For all the women that brag about how many men want them, just remember the cheapest prices attract the most customers.
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Men look at woman’s behind and go “wow! What an ass!” Woman look at man’s face and think the same.
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Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
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Every guy thinks that every girl’s dream is to find the perfect guy. Wrong! Every girl’s dream is to eat without getting fat.
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Behind every man is a woman resisting the urge to choke him.
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52% of women fake orgasms. 100% of men don’t give a shit.
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A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad.
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