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Offensive Quotes

Over time, I’ve mastered the art of saying “Fuck off” just by looking at someone.

Over time…

Some people are like slinkies. Not really good for much, but bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

Some people…

I don’t drink on lunch breaks because the last thing I need is more motivation to tell everyone to fuck off.

I don’t drink…

I’m nice as fuck. So if you see me being mean to someone they earned that shit.

I’m nice as fuck…

My “give a fuck” is still broken but my “go fuck yourself” is fully functional.

My “give a fuck”…

I'm trying to be a more positive person every day. Today, I'm positive everyone is an asshole.

I’m trying to be…

Some people need a shock collar and I need the remote.

Some people need…

We’re all being judged by someone who isn’t even close to having their own shit together.

We’re all being judged…

One of the best things about getting older: Knowing someone is an asshole before they even speak.

One of the best things…

Somedays you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots. Other days you realize it’s not just somedays.

Somedays you feel…