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Sarcastic Quotes

Every day at work I worry that I’m going to scream “Shut The Fuck Up” out loud instead of in my head.

Every day…

Are we having some drinks, or are we having some dranks? Need to dress accordingly.

Are we having some drinks…

Free speech is nice but also shut the fuck up sometimes.

Free speech is nice…

For all the women that brag about how many men want them, just remember the cheapest prices attract the most customers.

For all the women…

Have you ever noticed that the people who tell you to calm down are the ones that pissed you off in the first place?

Have you ever noticed…

Don't like me? Cool. I don't wake up every day to impress you.

Don’t like me?…

Everyone complains about a lack of money, but none complain about a lack of brains. – Jewish proverb

Everyone complains…

Do you ever feel the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren’t talking?

Do you ever feel…

Best friends are those who don’t say anything when you show up at their door with a dead body. They just grab a shovel and follow you.

Best friends…

Don’t try to explain yourself to stupid people. You’re not the jackass whisperer.

Don’t try…