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Sarcastic Quotes

Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

Life would be easier if you could mark people as spam.

Maybe money doesn't buy happiness, but I'm accepting donations to test that theory.

Maybe money doesn’t buy happiness, but I’m accepting donations to test that theory.

Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway.

Arguing with idiots is like playing chess with a pigeon. No matter how good you are, the bird is going to shit on the board and strut around like it won anyway.

My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce stress in my life. Same thing.

My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce stress in my life. Same thing.

Is “Fuck you” an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

Is “Fuck you” an emotion? Because I feel it all the time.

My smart mouth always gets me in trouble, and if it’s not my mouth, it’s my facial expression.

My smart mouth always gets me in trouble, and if it’s not my mouth, it’s my facial expression.

Some people are like old TVs. They need to be slapped a few times to get fucking picture.

Some people are like old TVs. They need to be slapped a few times to get fucking picture.

If each day is a gift…Can we get a refund on a shitty ones?

If each day is a gift…Can we get a refund on a shitty ones?

I can’t go around murdering people, so my hilarious put dows will have to do.

I can’t go around murdering people, so my hilarious put dows will have to do.

It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head, we all are. It’s only when you are fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.

It’s okay to be a little fucked up in the head, we all are. It’s only when you are fucked up in the heart that makes you a piece of shit.