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Sarcastic Quotes

I try to be a nice person... but sometimes my mouth doesn't cooperate.

I try to be a nice person…

TWO THINGS: 1. Where have you been all my life? 2. Can you please go back there?

TWO THINGS…

They say "do what you love and money will follow". So I ate cheesecake and drank some wine... Now I wait.

They say…

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your EGO and jump to your IQ.

If I wanted to kill myself…

I may look calm but in my head I've punched you in the face five times.

I may look calm…

Some days you meet someone and you immediately know you want to spend the rest of your days without them.

Some days…

I used my manners today. I said please. Well, actually what I said was bitch please. but whatever.

I used my manners today…

Sometimes I just agree with people so they can stop talking. - Jet Li

Sometimes I just agree…

I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today.

I don’t have the energy…

Idiots cause stress. Stress causes depression. Depression causes physical ailments. Conclusion: Stupid people make me sick.

Idiots cause stress…