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Sarcastic Quotes

Everyone appreciates your honesty, until you’re honest with them, then you’re an asshole. – George Carlin

Everyone appreciates…

Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and made a bad decision.

Everything happens…

Sometimes life will fuck you and you’ll just have to change positions and find a way to enjoy it.

Sometimes life will fuck you…

Forget about the zombie apocalypse, it’s never gonna happen. Worry about the dumbass apocalypse, it’s already upon ass.

Forget about…

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

I can only please…

From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

From the moment…

Every day, thousands of innocent plants are killed by vegetarians. Help end the violence eat bacon.

Every day…

If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.

If a woman tells…

Another fine day ruined by responsibility.

Another fine day…

Some days my biggest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Some days…