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Sarcastic Quotes

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is…

Be careful whose toes you step on today because they might be connected to the foot that kicks your ass tomorrow.

Be careful…

Crap. Turns out this is my circus, and those are my monkeys.

Crap. Turns out…

Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.

Folgers got it wrong…

If I had one wish I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss.

If I had one wish…

I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says "Haha good one!", and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.

I wake up everyday…

Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.

Why do people ask…

Just because you have a beard, it doesn’t mean you’re a man. Vaginas can grow hair too.

Just because you have a beard…

I’ve always loved the idea of not being what people expect me to be.

I’ve always loved the idea…

I said I was smart. I never said I had my shit together.

I said I was smart…