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Sarcastic Quotes

Your job as a woman is to observe when your man is happy and immediately put a stop to that nonsense.

Your job as a woman…

Why is “patience” a virtue? Why can’t “hurry the fuck up” be a virtue?

Why is “patience” a virtue?…

I know sometime life just sucks. Things don’t work out the way you planned, because there is no instruction manual. But even if there was, life would suck even more, because it would be pretty damn boring.

I know sometime life just sucks…

I’m super fucked up and that’s part of my charm.

I’m super fucked up…

They said the only way to get over a broken heart is to fall in love again. So I fell in love with myself. Best fucking relationship in my life.

They said the only way to get over…

A drunk mouth speaks a sober mind.

A drunk mouth…

Once you get fucked over, you stop giving a fuck about a lot of things.

Once you get fucked over…

Crying about a broken heart all day is childish. Get drunk and set shit on fire, like an adult.

Crying about a broken heart…

Opinions are like farts, everyone has them, no one wants to hear anyone else’s, and most of them stink. Except mine. Mine smell like roses.

Opinions are like farts…

The best friendships are built on solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, laughter and dislike of the same people.

The best friendships…