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Sarcastic Quotes

Once you get fucked over, you stop giving a fuck about a lot of things.

Once you get fucked over…

Crying about a broken heart all day is childish. Get drunk and set shit on fire, like an adult.

Crying about a broken heart…

Opinions are like farts, everyone has them, no one wants to hear anyone else’s, and most of them stink. Except mine. Mine smell like roses.

Opinions are like farts…

The best friendships are built on solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, laughter and dislike of the same people.

The best friendships…

Marriage is finding that special someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Marriage is…

Your sobriety has truly demonstrated to me that people don’t need alcohol to be annoying.

Your sobriety…

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

Tact is for people…

Taking back your ex is like buying your shit back from your own garage sale.

Taking back your ex…

Every time a woman shaves her legs and doesn’t get laid, a unicorn dies.

Every time a woman shaves…

The best way to lose weight is to only eat inspirational quotes.

The best way to lose weight…