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Sarcastic Quotes

Getting older is just one body part after another saying, “Ha ha, you think that’s bad? Fucking watch this...”

Getting older…

Calm down reality. You're being ridiculous.

Calm down reality…

I can’t hear your bullshit over the sound of the fucks I'm not giving.

I can’t hear your bullshit…

Just when I thought the limit of stupidity was set, some idiot raises the bar.

Just when I thought…

Am I a good person? No. But do I try to make myself better every day? Also, No.

Am I a good person?…

Drink responsibly? Shit… Responsibility is why I drink.

Drink responsibly?…

When I was young, I was poor. But after years of hard work, I am no longer young.

When I was young…

Despite being a pain in the ass, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.

Despite…

I don't make mistakes, I date them.

I don’t make mistakes…

I fucking love straight forward people. No bullshit makes life so much easier.

I fucking love straight…