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You remind me of a penny. Worthless, two-faced,and inside everyone's pants.

You remind me…

Whoever thinks money doesn't buy happiness, transfer that shit to my account.

Whoever thinks…

You have one advantage over me. You can kiss my ass and I can't.

You have one advantage…

You know why birds sing in the morning? Because they don't have to go to fucking work.

You know why…

If you kick me when I'm down you better pray I don't get up.

If you kick me…

Word of the day: EXHAUSTIPATED. Too tired to give a shit.

Word of the day…

Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? Go ask your mother.

Do you know…

It doesn’t matter…

Never trust a girl who doesn't fart. Hard telling what else she's holding back from you.

Never trust…

Dear haters, I couldn't help but notice that "Awesome" ends with "Me" and "Ugly" starts with "U".

Dear haters…