Life

In life you either “pisses pants” or you “shits aggressively”.

In life you either…

A random toddler just waved at me. I didn't wave back. Welcome to life and all of its disappointments you little shit.

A random toddler…

If life turns her back on you, grab her ass. - Nelson Rodrigues

If life turns her back on you…

At the end of the day life should ask us: “Do you want to save the changes?”

At the end of the day…

This stage of my life is called a "mid-life fuck it".

This stage of my life…

A perfect metaphor for my life would be "someone trying to stand up in a hammock".

A perfect metaphor…

My goal in life is to piss off at least one person a day. So far I’m about 12 years ahead of schedule.

My goal in life…

I know sometime life just sucks. Things don’t work out the way you planned, because there is no instruction manual. But even if there was, life would suck even more, because it would be pretty damn boring.

I know sometime life just sucks…

Marriage is finding that special someone you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Marriage is…

I’m just WTF-ING my way through life.

I’m just WTF-ING…