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Life

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

I feel like…

“You can't make this shit up”. - Me describing my life.

“You can’t make this…

Me yelling at squirrel to get out of the road so it’s not squished by a car is probably the same feeling my guardian angel has watching me live my life.

Me yelling…

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

Sometimes I feel…

When life gives you lemons, be glad it wasn’t herpes.

When life gives you lemons…

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m never going to have mid life crisis because my entire fuckig life is a crisis.

I’ve come to the conclusion…

“How sexually active are you?” Very, life fucks the shit out of me and I don't remember the safe word.

“How sexually active are you?”…

Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that.

Sometimes people come…

I don’t chase anyone anymore. Wanna walk out of my life? There’s the the door. Hell, I’ll even hold it for you.

I don’t chase anyone…

I think someone out there has a voodoo doll of me and is forcing it to make bad life decisions.

I think someone out there…